POPE ANNOUNCES THAT COOL BLUE GATORADE IS THE NEW BLOOD OF CHRIST

Vatican City, Rome – Today the Pope made a special announcement that rocked the world: “Cool Blue Gatorade is the NEW blood of Christ!”

He stepped out onto his balcony to address the congregation:

“Upon further meditation of the holy words, …it turns out that Jesus, and all his disciples, had hangovers from rigorous day-drinking on the night of the last Supper. Jesus cured all the hangovers by turning water into Cool Blue Gatorade.”

The Pope finished by stating:

We have made a severe mistake over the past 2000 years and we need to right our wrongs. From now on, Cool Blue Gatorade is the new blood of Christ”

While most are up-in-arms, this reporter understands. It makes sense.. youknow? Why would Jesus and his disciples drink wine after a Saturday-Sunday banger? Their hangovers would’ve only intensified.

One local Frat representative said:

“I’m going to church more often! This pope f*!%s!”

There are talks that the body of Christ might have been Advil, but we will report back to you as this story develops…

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